Dangerous situation ...

I had spoken with my family last night and I am happy that I spoke with them. Things are kind of getting back to normal and I think that they will be fine after a few days. It is the intership that I want settled. Either I am going or I am not going - I dont like this indecisive state as I am not able to proceed with my life as usual.

Anyways, for those who might be reading this blog, the last post might have been too cryptic. Well, to clarify, I happened to meet a woman - in that itself, it is not too significant as I have been meeting too many. But the problem lies in the fact that she is exactly the kind of women I would chase or rather fall for heavily and be thrown out in the exact position I never want to be in. What is this with me? How come I happen to choose the exact kind of women all the time to fall for .... ???? Am I sick or something? I dont know ... the problem is I think that I have fallen for her and that too hard. I am praying that I get the internship and get the hell out of CS. I no longer have the courage it takes to be in love or rather I dont want to have the courage it takes. I am afraid that things will not be any different either. Why do I have to do all the stupid things again? Why do I have to get into those tight spots in life? Why can I not be away from things like these? When will I ever learn?

To top this off, she is a namesake of someone from the past ... seems like a million years ago but it is hardly more than 5 years. I can already see how my future is going to be. I wish I have what it takes to make sure that things dont go the same way as in the past. God help me!

An apt end to my short lived public life!

It is been a while again ... as usual there were too many things going on and I was trying to get into everything possible. I dont know how things worked out but I guess things are going to be ok ... at least I hope so.

Continuing from where I left off ... the company HR has not responded for more than a week - I sent out a stinging mail yesterday and then she called up. Why do people have to wait until things are going real bad or they are not good at all? Why can not they do it when they can do it properly without creating too much mess? I guess too much s*** in life that people end up being that way right from childhood and they dont change. Or maybe I dont have my priorities right. I dont know - am waiting eagerly to see how my life will turn out. [:D]

I have not spoken to my family or friends for a long time ... I am now almost getting back to my normal life after a brief stint in the spotlight. I dont know if I am glad that I am doing this or I would rather be in the limelight. I guess I have a lot of soul searching to do. I somehow ended up taking the responsibility of the new people and to see that they get what they need and they meet at least a few seniors here in CS so that they have someone to ask advice or make friends. I dont know how far I was successful but people have gone ahead to make it a great success (at least in my opinion). I am happy about it and now am free of all that. There is nothing more that I have to do.

Now that my short lived public life has ended, I am trying to piece my life back. I dont know if I will be able to make it to San Diego or not but I really hope that I can. That would be a wonderful thing to happen to me at least. I will be away from here and all the devils that have been sitting on my head will not have much chance to pester me [:D]. Hope that I can handle all the devils without too many problems, but knowing myself I am scared s******* and I hope that things dont get screwed up. I dont want history repeating itself in any form or anything that would take a new path but with the same result.

Long time ... too many things happened!

Exams are done ... met a lot of new people, I suppose I can say that I made a lot of friends, but I really dont know how many of them would consider themselves my friends. I had pestered quite a few of them and I really dont know how many of them even like to me talk to me [:D].

Since it is been a long time since I wrote anything, there has been quite many things that happened. One of them, the most sad thing I heard was that Priya's dad passed away. She called me up one day while I was sleeping - I spoke with her for a while and I did not know what to say. She was crying all the while and I did not know how to comfort her. I dont know if I was able to even reduce her pain by even a little - it is so painful to see someone you love in pain and acknowledge the fact that there is nothing you can do to reduce the pain. I spoke with her again the next day - atleast then I hope I did speak something sensible. I just hope that she gets over it and she will be happy with her husband and her new family. The worst part was being aware that there is nothing I can do about it and watch her go through the pain. I pray that no one I know will have to go through such pain.

Last week had been the last days at my old apartment - though I dont like the place nor my ex-roomies, that was the first place I stayed at in College Station and as such it has too many memories for me to get over it so quickly. Most of the time was spent in packing, shifting, buying stuff for the new place. I ended up cleaning the old place - it was such a pain but I am happy that I am done with the place and people. The best part of the whole moving thing was that I got to know my new roomies much better. I know that I can trust one guy and not trust the other guy. At least I am sure I would not trust him with anything important. Can not throw him out of the place since the other guy promised his parents that they would put with the crap that he does and take care of him. Well, I decided to put up with him and if I happen to feel that I can change him then maybe I will do try to do so.

The new place is not completely settled in - have to unpack a lot of stuff and this is where I am in a dilema. I have been offered an internship position but they have not yet sent me the offer letter. Will be continued ...

There is a lot more ...

Life experiences in the last few days have been so different ... never in my life had I seen this side of myself! I am surprised at the things that I have done and at things I am doing. There is so much I want to write before I forget it ... so much about how wonderful life has become once you get past the pain and come to a normal state.

Like my best friend Paavan said, another love story had begun a couple of months ago - the date is May 26th, 2006. The lover is my brand new Nissan Xterra! I am proud to say that I had found another love of my life. One of them earlier was the Bajaj Pulsar - a bike I would love to ride anyday even now. I spent three years with it and never regretted it. Sad to say that I had to move or rather she did too (though it is supposed to be a he, it is a she to me always [:D]). Maybe one day we will be back [:)]. Till then dear ... until then my brand new love ... a lot more to follow on a lot of things as soon my exams are done ... that is 5 days from now. Till then ...

Farewell dear!

One of my best freinds (who I thought would always be my best friend and with me no matter what!) has decided to move on and I dont know what to say except, I understand and wish her good luck and wonderful life ahead. I will always remember you and you will always remain the same no matter what problems, quarrels (etc, etc, ...) we have. After having said and done all that I wanted and felt, the bottom line is nothing has changed for me. Nothing will!

Have a wonderful life my dear.